To Sleep, Perchance to Dream...

I finally got the chance to hear him sing. Not bad. He was a little self-conscious, but I've had many musician and singer friends so it's no big deal to me. Later we talked and suddenly we were there in this moment, face to face, both resting our chins against a hand, close, intimate. I told him I'd found an apartment and it's...emphasizing with one hand on his arm, conscious of touching him...only a mile and a quarter from work can you believe it?... He smiled and we looked into each other eyes for a long delicious moment... That's when I woke up this morning, the moment visceral and lingering. Sigh.

---

I've been sleeping badly for awhile now, though last night I managed a good seven hours. It affords vivid dreams, unless I let anxious thoughts in to weave their rough burlap over them, quickly obscuring and muffling. Monday was a horrid day, utterly exhausted and yet the deadline-driven demands at work prodded and picked at me. By afternoon I was near tears trying to fashion a brief sentence from a couple of paragraphs of data. My management has been kind enough, despite my imperfect divination of the guess-what-I-want game the clients are playing; it's just bad timing to have these knotty issues now and I've felt hamstrung and unsatisfied.

But I had a reasonable amount of sleep last night and completed a couple of pressing pieces by this afternoon, working through lunch. I left at 5:00 and drove over to the apartment to unload a few things. Every time I walk in I'm happy with our find. It's a sunny and welcoming place, a good space to live in. I unpacked a dozen odd wine glasses and three lovely etched sherry glasses that had been my mother's, plus four tall thin drinking glasses painted with a giraffe, tiger, elephant, and monkey that I picked up somewhere a long time ago. I put them, still smudged with newsprint, into the built-in cabinet with windowed doors that's recessed between the kitchen and dining room. The large rug I bought for the living room last weekend looks like it belongs, though as yet unaccompanied by furniture.

There's much to do still, but today, having slept, having completed things, having perfect weather, all seems possible. Everything remains the same, whether I stress over it or not. And inevitably I will again.

Comments

[Tall Girl]

I walked this journey with you...lack of sleep makes everything harder. Simple pleasing things suddenly make life bearable again. Moving is very stirring. Go gently.

[marja-leena]

I've read that dreams can be viewed as the embodiment of thoughts - are you thinking about someone sweet? :-)

I've been sleeping poorly lately too - wonder why - is it the light short nights? I know how frustrating it is when there's a lot of work to do with your move. As TG said, taking moments to enjoy pleasing things helps to balance the stress. Be well, and good luck.

[Lorianne]

Yes, I'm wondering the same thing Marja-Leena is. I guess I'll have to wait until you've had a cocktail or two and then arm-twist the truth out of you... :-)

[joanna]

I'm also wondering who the guy is: man or archetype?

[leslee]

Thanks for your good wishes.

Any resemblance to an actual living person is pure projection and not based on reality.

[mm]

You know, Leslee, moving is huge, and in my recent experience it does strange things to one's emotional balance, however right the move may be. Same items in a different place, different (invisble) energies, adjusting to both. Maybe the secret is not to be thrown by the extreme reactions when they happen .....

I think your penultimate sentence is a wise one.

[leslee]

Thanks, mm. I know you just went through a big move, too. It's pretty exhausting, and it doesn't help that I'm not sleeping well, but isn't that always the way. Yes, lots of stress, however good the move. I am trying to roll with it as best I can. Just asked for another 2 days off from work (I'm only taking 1 day plus this weekend) - so I'll get a 4-day weekend the week after I move. Probably have condo cleanup to do, plus buying things for the apartment, but it'll also give me some breathing room.

Two friends drove all the way out from the city last night after work to escort me out for margaritas and Mexican food. I am deeply appreciative.