Thoughts on a long commute

Every morning I merge upstream
and every evening down,
our cars swerving with the currents.

-

A prodigal to the pod, I'm subsumed
with proper markings and demeanor.
I too hunch before a sleek screen.

-

Far from here, he sleeps with madronas.
Beneath him an ancient continent recedes
into the Sound, surrounded by orcas.

-

Comments

[Lorianne]

Nice! It looks like Tom Montag's "Morning Drive Journal" just found itself some competition.

I hope Dave's happy now that you've posted a poem... :-)

[MB]

Very nice. A bit wistful? How's that back?

[leslee]

Lorianne: Thanks! We'll see when/if Dave shows up. He really was the prick, I mean the prod, that made me think I should at least try to write something! ;-)

MB: Yes, I think it is a bit wistful. The back is feeling better, thank you. Not 100%, but definitely more tolerable!

[MB]

I'm glad to hear that about your back. Pain is not a good thing.

[Dave]

I read it yesterday, but didn't leave a comment -- because that's just the kind of prick I am.

But I like it! The commuter-pod metaphor is fun, and the progression from one stanza to another has a sort of stately rhythm that one associates with things like orcas. I keep tripping up on "subsumed," though -- doesn't seem like the right word there. One way or the other, I'm happy to see that you're pushing yourself again, and like the idea of putting a long commute to productive use. This is the time of day when I feel most creative myself, so if I were in your shoes, I'd definitely try and do the same.

[joanna]

I love this, love this, love this.

[Chuck Despres]

Your poem is playful, if maybe a little wistful or melancholy...

...reminds me of Wordsworth wishing for
"visions that would make me less forlorn...have sight of proteus rising from the sea/or hear triton blow his wreathed horn."

[tk]

I like this, and this ---

"Far from here, he sleeps with madronas.
Beneath him an ancient continent recedes
into the Sound, surrounded by orcas."

-- made me want to know more. I like the long vowel sounds, the images of trees and fishes. It could be the beginning of another poem!

All the best!

Tim

[leslee]

Dave: Thanks, as always, for your encouragement. I'll think about subsumed if I have some time. I don't have much time to polish, so I think these things may go up as-is.

Joanna: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.

Chuck: Thanks, and thanks for the Wordsworth.

Tim: Hey, thanks for stopping by and saying 'hi'! I like that part, too, but ran out of time and steam to do anything more with it. Maybe I will at some point. Hope all's well with you!

[Peter]

It seems like a long time since I've read your poetry. It's like taking a mini vacation, somehow.

I love how "our cars swerving with the currents" comes close to "into the Sound, surrounded by orcas." (In fact, a couple of friends of mine from your part of New England pronounce "our cars" as one might mispronounce "orcas.")

[susurra]

Wonderful.
My sister is trying to buy a bit of land on the sound, looking out for orcas, and she talked today about the madrone trees there leaning out over the water. I liked the echoing here of our conversation. I also liked that you took a very "industrial" part of living and put it into a much more organic form.

Hope this week the commute and sitting become easier to handle.

[leslee]

Peter: It's been a long time since I've written any. As for "our cars" and "orcas" - that's very funny. I've pretty much lost my local accent, but I recognize the rhyme!

Susan: The reference is to the San Juan islands. It sounds like (no pun intended) a beautiful area. Thanks for your comments and good wishes.