Lieben und arbeiten

Freud reportedly responded to the question of what a healthy human should be able to do well by saying "leiben und arbeiten" - to love and to work (at least according to Erikson). Googling to find the quote, I found an addition to this maxim, that not only do we need to be able to love and to work, we also need to play. I guess one could keep these three in mind when thinking up New Year's resolutions. Not just the doing, but the doing well. (Supply your own definition of well.)

I had a good share of socializing over the holiday, which may fall in the category of love or play, perhaps both. This year's festivities were made lighter by not having family obligations, though I felt twinges of sadness that my folks weren't with me. Last Thanksgiving was so stressful with my mom in the hospital, it was a relief this year to simply have to show up at the home of my friends, drink wine, eat lots of food, laugh, and enjoy.

Friday my friend Amy and I went up to Portsmouth to wander the little shops and do more eating and chatting, an annual event my mom and I had made into our little tradition for the past maybe 10 years. I bought my Christmas cards, a couple of presents, and a red sweater for myself to wear during the holidays. On Saturday my friend CA hosted an Indian food extravaganza and everyone brought dishes to share. I made this curried chicken salad, which came out great. The best dish was probably CA's delicious mulligatawny soup, which she said was a Moosewood recipe. And on Sunday P invited me to brunch at his house and I got to meet his mom, who was visiting from the west coast and who was thoroughly charming.

And now I am back to work today. Big project to get through this week, and that's good. I will try to do it well.

---

The theme of love and work sent me reaching for my copy of Stephen Dunn's 1981 book of poems, Work and Love. To link to it, I searched online and I find that this first edition that I have is going for a pretty penny online. Too bad I don't care to part with it. Here is one poem from it:

LOVE:

Hard work, the experts say.
Needs a man with a mind
for redefinitions, a woman
with prior experience.
Or any combination thereof.

Far away from such pap,
you underline all that's ripe
must die soon, and leave the book
open for me to see it.
Now our hands begin to move
to remove what separates us.
We're feeling it, that need
to suck and succumb,
anything else is liquor
diluted, is love spoken about
from an armchair by someone
settled in, and down. Love,
let's remember this moment.
         As I touch you
some magnificent apple grown perfect
beyond endurance is falling.

From Work and Love, by Stephen Dunn; Carnegie-Mellon Univ. Press, 1981.

Comments

[Elissa Malcohn]

Love, work, play: the eternal balance. I'm glad you had a relaxing holiday (ours was, too). I agree: the doing well is so important. I guess my definition of "well" is: with attention, and ownership, and living in the present.

[Sonia]

Hi Leslee!
Thank you so much for visiting my blog and for the nice comment!
Owls are always around here. Just now at 10h15 a.m. I saw an owl on the top of a tree. It's just amazing!

[leslee]

Elissa: Good definition of "well." And somehow keeping all three within a range of balance.

Thanks, Sonia!

[Alicia]

This is an amazing concept that I have reached for for many, many years and never caught. Thanks for the direction to the book, I'm going to see if my library has it, although if it is as rare a find as you mention we probably don't.

I hope your holiday season brings you lots more joy and some peace from the tasks families can bring. I don't envy you your position and dread the day I will have to deal with it myself. I am hoping to avoid my dad getting Alzheimer's, or my step-mother. I don't know how I would cope.

[leslee]

That's one of the joys of blogging - making those connections! As for the book, Steven Dunn has many wonderful books of poems. Are you just loving working in a library?!

Thanks for your kind wishes for my holidays. We'll make the best of it - my mom loves festivities and having all her family around, so that will help a lot. It's unfortunately common - many friends dealing with elders with health problems. My parents are a particularly difficult case because of their personalities and esp. their relationship.

[Dave]

Hey, I have that book too! Picked it up at the used bookstore for $3.98 a few years back. I love Dunn, though I haven't read that particular book more than once. What a great poem you just typed out! Maybe it's time to re-read the book, though I find the font really annoying.

[leslee]

Heh. The font is odd, though I don't recall it bothering me much! It must be one of his earliest collections.

[Alicia]

The only Stephen Dunn book my library had is the Different Hours one, but I love the poetry in it as well as I do this one. He's an amazing poet, thanks for turning me on to him. :)