Burnout

I seem to be in a bind. Something in me is on a mission from God to be in a relationship. Yet I am becoming so sick of dating, no longer the least bit open-minded anymore, jaded I suppose. Fact confirmed last night: nobody "grows on" me. Either I know intuitively very quickly that someone is going to click for me, or they won't. If I'm ambivalent, I'll stay ambivalent - unless they're very interested in which case ambivalence turns to a very clear this is not going to work and I want this over now.

Last week I had a couple of email exchanges with M, who I dated most of last year. It reminded me of how I feel when something does click for me. I'm sad that it didn't work out. But that's how I have to feel or it's just not worth it.

I need to take a break. Just reclaim my personal life for myself, regroup. (And if you're thinking, why that's probably when I will meet someone, you have to realize that I've taken breaks for years at a time. Nothing.) I'm tired. Need to put that little Energizer bunny of hope up on the shelf to run itself in circles for awhile.

Comments

[jon]

Don't look for it L, and it will find you. :)

[Siona]

I was going to make exactly the same comment. You're in for it now! It's always (only?) when I've taken this perspective, when I've flung up my hands in exasperation and decided to focus just on myself for a while, that someone perfect happens to run headlong into me. I know you wrote your skepticism about this phenomenon, but I still happen to believe it. I think it has partially to do with the paradoxical effort involved in *really* giving up and *really* turning to yourself. Turn the bunny off. Take out the batteries.

Or perhaps not. I'm struggling as hard as anyone to make sense of the craziness of the world and the people in it. Perhaps there is no rhyme or reason, in which case, you have all the more cause to turn within and focus on dear you for a while.

[susurra]

Damn Leslee.
Just damn.
You know I don't buy that whole "stop thinking about it and you'll suddenly find the right person" story. It's just another story that feeds into the idea we have some control over whether the right person comes along or not. I'm firmly convinced it's random.
But damn. I'm sorry things didn't shift for you last night. I am hopeful for you. I also can't predict what will happen. So I'm hopeful and at the same time, supportive. I know the mix of feelings all to well.
Here's a toast to the Patriots! At least part of the evening went well. :)

[grumpygirl]

leslee, i'm not of the school that says it will come when you least expect it; i don't think that's universally true. but i am sure you can't force "it",,, if it ain't there, you can't make it be.

[leslee]

Thanks, guys. I appreciate your thoughts.