I seem to be in a bind. Something in me is on a mission from God to be in a relationship. Yet I am becoming so sick of dating, no longer the least bit open-minded anymore, jaded I suppose. Fact confirmed last night: nobody "grows on" me. Either I know intuitively very quickly that someone is going to click for me, or they won't. If I'm ambivalent, I'll stay ambivalent - unless they're very interested in which case ambivalence turns to a very clear this is not going to work and I want this over now.
Last week I had a couple of email exchanges with M, who I dated most of last year. It reminded me of how I feel when something does click for me. I'm sad that it didn't work out. But that's how I have to feel or it's just not worth it.
I need to take a break. Just reclaim my personal life for myself, regroup. (And if you're thinking, why that's probably when I will meet someone, you have to realize that I've taken breaks for years at a time. Nothing.) I'm tired. Need to put that little Energizer bunny of hope up on the shelf to run itself in circles for awhile.